Tomorrow will mark four weeks from this life changing surgery. I did so much research, I prepared myself in every way I thought possible. I was still utterly unprepared for the full impact of surgery. The discomfort was significantly more than I anticipated, and the healing process has been much longer than I was prepared for. My hospital stay is largely an unpleasant blur. I am so thankful to my husband and parents for being so present. I was unable to do very much for myself for the first three weeks so having them there for me was hugely important. They each took a week off of work to stay with me, it was wonderful to be so well cared for.
I am also eternally grateful for all of the people who have prepared meals for us. There just aren't words to explain how much this has meant to our family.
Through this journey, I have learned that I will never take anything for granted again. When I came home from the hospital I was unable to bend over to kiss my beautiful children goodnight after bedtime prayers. I also couldn't reach high enough to turn out the lights on their ceiling fans, or reach their cereal in the pantry. This tasks seem so small, so ordinary. Not being able to do them was devastating. I still remember the look on Tommy's face when at about the two week mark I could bend over far enough to give him a kiss. He was elated. For Elayna it was when I was able to sit on her bed to read her a bedtime story. They have been so incredibly patient with me. I am the one who is struggling the most with the things that I have to relearn physically.
There are many wonderful things to report. The wounds on my breasts are healing well. Aesthetically, when wearing clothes, I look very much like I did before surgery. My hair and nails are growing again. I have about an eighth of an inch of hair on my head, in case you are curious that is enough that I actually have to dry it again - with a towel! I am shaving my legs again too. These things make me very happy. In other wonderful news, it appears I was only in "chemo-pause" and not menopause. My stamina is improving every day, and I have been cleared to drive! That change was very liberating.
I have also had a set back, hopefully a small one. My stomach incision is opening in a few small places, and there are signs of necrosis. I went to the plastic surgeon today and he went over the scenarios with me. Basically, I have to wait two weeks to see what the plan will be. The waiting will be very hard for me. I am a "get it done - NOW," kind of girl. I am having a hard time with the wait and see approach. I would appreciate all the prayers and kind and healing thoughts you could send my way. I will need lots of patience to get through this part of the journey. I know that it is just another bump in the road.
I am so grateful to all of you for following me through this, for loving me through it. I am thankful for each and every one of you for your prayers and support. This weekend I am going to celebrate all of my victories by taking the babies and my mom to CJ's Thumbs Up Ball. We have gone for the past several years, it is a beautiful celebration and all of the proceeds go to a wonderful cause - helping families of children with cancer. I cannot think of a better way to spend my Saturday evening. I hope you will consider coming out to support this wonderful cause as well.
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