Restorative Surgery

In less than a week I will again be having surgery.  This will be my 5th major surgery in 15 months.

For awhile I was calling this one cosmetic, but really that isn't true.  I am not fixing anything frivolously.  This surgery is restorative.  My body will never ever look like it did before my journey with cancer began.  I have accepted that, but this surgery will take away the extensive scarring from necrosis, and eliminate any imperfections in the shape of my newly constructed breasts.  My surgeon will also be removing two more small spots of necrosis along my stomach incision. I think the best way to describe the surgery I will be having next week is restorative.

The past month has been hard.  Cancer is so scary, I think the brave face that I put on for the world is becoming a bit more transparent.  Each time I read of a re-occurrence, or the death of one of my friends my heart hurts, my hands sweat, and my thoughts spin. The unpredictability is terrifying.

My heart also hurts when I think about my sweet Bailey Sue and that soon he will cross the Rainbow Bridge.  He has been with me for 15 years, the imminent loss is truly tremendous.  We will be saying goodbye this weekend.  The kids have never known a world without him in it, David has never known a Rebecca without a Bailey.  Our lives will forever be changed.

There have also been some pretty amazing things to come from this month.  My children entered a "Reflections" contest through the PTA.

The theme was "What is your story."  They both wanted to submit a picture to tell their story. I love how they had very unique approaches to how to capture the theme.

Tommy asked me to play with the dogs, he told me to just be myself.  He snapped a series of pictures and liked this one the best.  He titled it, "Even Cancer Can't Take My Mommy's Laugh Away."

"Even Cancer Can't Take My Mommy's Laugh Away."

I think it goes without saying how much this picture means to me.

I love how very similar it is to this picture of my grandmother.  The minute I saw the picture that my beautiful little boy took of me, it conjured this image of his great grandmother laughing.

Elayna had a very different approach.  She knew exactly what she wanted and posed us.  She was very specific that she wanted the sign that our wonderful neighbor and friend, Kate, had made for me last year included in the picture.  She also wanted the dogs to be included, but they would not participate.   Elayna titled her picture "Fight Like a Mommy."

"Fight Like a Mommy."

I love how she captured the love between us, and how Tommy folds himself into me - like he just can't get close enough.  I feel the same way about both of them.

Elayna won First Place in the Primary Photography Category.

Tommy won second place in the Intermediate Photography Category.

I am so proud to be their mommy, I am so incredibly thankful for each and every day that I get to parent them.  

Take nothing for granted my friends, life can change in seconds. See the beauty in the world around you, tell people how much they mean to you.  Love Life.

"Pray, hope, don't worry." - St. Pio

#fightlikeamommy

#itisstillmyfairytale

Thank you for loving me through it.