Happy 99th Birthday Grandpa!

Yesterday, my truly inspirational Grandpa celebrated his 99th birthday!  Can you imagine?  99 years, all the memories- the history.  He is a legend.

I remember the first time I realized that doors would open for me (both literally and figuratively) if I introduced myself as, "Rebecca, Frank Forney's granddaughter."  His life is an amazing testament. Just look at that smile, he has never ever met a stranger.

The kids and I went to visit him last week, I knew that after my chemotherapy treatment I would not be able to visit him for awhile.

This is a week of firsts for us, we are learning the "new normal."

The trick to chemotherapy is that it attacks the cancer cells - but also attacks my good cells, causing my immune system to take a dive. During this time I have to be vigilant about avoiding crowds, and germs to keep myself healthy.  This means for the next four months or so no impromptu visits to see Grandpa, no museums, no church, no birthday parties, no back to school nights, no fair, no Field Days of the Past, and only super cautious play dates. I have to be honest - this part of the treatment will be the very hardest for me.  It makes my mommy heart hurt to think of missing out on on the "little" things that make childhood magical.

This is all temporary - just a few months, and we will find new ways to make magic.  I have no doubt about that.


I want to thank you again for your incredible outpouring of kindness.  There are truly not words to tell you how much all of your support means to me.  I am so lucky in so many ways.  I have the best support system a girl could ask for.

Please remember to spread the word of early detection, share my blog - share my families story. 

Knowledge is power.  

Chemo Day 1

What a journey this has been, and how very thankful I am for all of your well wishes, sweet texts, phone calls, and emails.  I truly appreciate all of them - truly, every last one.

Chemo started today at about 11- it was supposed to be 9am. They had to mix up all of my drugs and have them ready for me.  I am here with my wonderfully supportive mom, and had the sweetest visit from a childhood friend today, thank you so much for coming by this morning Jennifer!

I even ran into one of my former student's mommies that began her treatment today too.  Words cannot begin to explain how very special that was.

I feel pretty good right now, it sounds like I will start to feel icky Sunday night into Monday.  I have to come back in tomorrow for a booster shot to keep my blood counts up.

Living with this news for the past few weeks has been so hard, we wanted to know exactly what we were dealing with before I shared the news publicly.  We have packed in so many super fun adventures, both to keep my mind off of everything and to maintain as much consistency as possible during this time.

We went to visit my sweet friend MC at her farm/rescue, that was before I had the first appointment that showed that I needed to go in for further testing.  It was the most beautiful day, I am so glad that you were all able to spend it with my sweet friends.  Spending the day surrounded by love, with Autumn and MC (whom I care so deeply for ) was exactly what I needed.

Then we went to an amazing birthday party at Donice's house, that was the weekend after the biopsy. You both had such a good time, and again I was surrounded by love, friendship, and light.  It helped so much to keep my mind off everything.

 

Then came the really big fun!  Mrs. Desiree and Moose invited us down to their new boat house on Lake Gaston. For me, that weekend was a big turning point.  I was surrounded by the people who helped so much in making mommy the lady that she is today.  It was wonderful to be held in their love.  I will be a Blue Devil forever, I loved spending the day with these beautiful women, and their amazing families.  I cannot begin to tell you just how much it means to me to see you both playing with their babies.

For our last act of truly outrageous day of fun we spent last Saturday at Kings Dominion.  We had the most fun, seriously, the most fun.  

You were both big enough to ride "big rides" and you both loved the Woodstock Express and Tommy, I got to be the first person to ride the Rebel Yell with you.  You said it was epic! We spent an inappropriate amount of money on food and pictures.  I threw a mommy sized temper tantrum when we had our "Old Timey Photos" taken.  They didn't have a mirror for me to check myself out in.  Seriously, even school pictures have mirrors for you to check your hair first. When they showed us the first set that they took my eyes filled with tears - they were awful.  I  took one look at the young lady behind the counter and explained to her that she could not possibly understand how important these pictures were to me, to all of us.  This is the last time for a long time that I will look like me - and I needed them to be perfection.  I was very relieved that she took them again, I will post them on Facebook soon. They are still not perfect, but they are pretty good.

I will never be able to express my immense gratitude for those of you that have helped me over the past few weeks, and those who have reached out to me last night and today.  Your words of wisdom and acts of kindness mean more to me than you could possibly imagine.  It is your kindness and support that get me through the quiet times, which are the hardest.

So my words of wisdom for today:

• Keep smiling, smile at everyone - even perfect strangers.  You never know what they may be going through.
• If you are going through this journey, or any journey similar know that the worst part is the unknown.  Ask questions - be a self advocate.  The waiting is undoubtedly the worst part. Do not be afraid to be a pest and to call repeatedly for results.  The worst they can tell you is that they are just not ready yet.
• Love- openly and kindly, with passion.
• Pray.

Mommy Has Cancer

If there was ever a sentence that I never thought I would have to say it is this one:

Mommy has cancer.  

Let me tell you babies, you took the news like champion fighters.  Tommy, I snuggled with you while you watched Star Wars when I told you.  Your sweet brown eyes were afraid for only a moment and then you asked if I was going to be ok.

I am, baby.  I am going to be just fine.  I am going to fight like a mommy and make sure that I am here to see you and your baby sister grow old, and have grand babies of your own.

My sweet Elayna, telling you was a little different.  We were playing in the living room and with lots of love and snuggles I had to explain to you that for a little while mommy is going to be sleepy, maybe a little grumpy, and have to take some yucky medicine that will make me loose my hair but that will get rid of my cancer.

To both of you I had to explain that for now we will have to slow down on all of our adventures.  I won't be able to be around large crowds until chemo is over.

I am so thankful that we waited to tell you until after you finished Vacation Bible School.  Your hearts and minds were so full of your love for Jesus and I truly believed that love lessened the intensity of the news.

So, here is what you know-

Mommy has cancer, in her boobies.  We explained to you that I had to get a super secret spy port to get my yucky medicine that is going to get rid of the cancer.  It is a super secret spy port because right now you guys love Spy Kids, and ideally no one will know the port is there except us (making it a super secret). For now the port is a little achy, but it won't be for long.  I can still hug you and snuggle with you, but for a little bit I can't pick you up.  I will start my chemotherapy tomorrow (8/20/2015), and about a week after that I will start to loose my hair. We read a super cool book called "Nowhere Hair" that helped us laugh through what it will be like when mommy looses her hair.  You both even went wig shopping with me at this amazing little store called the Pink Ribbon.

Here is what all of the grown ups reading this will want to know - 

The weekend of Elayna's last pageant (the Hanover Tomato Festival) was so rainy, I carried her around for the whole day.  If you know us, you know that this is not all together an oddity, I carry Elayna everywhere, she is my baby after all.  So I should not have been sore - but I was.

In the shower that night I was massaging my arm and gave myself a breast exam, that is when I felt it. It felt like a little lump, I was sure that I was imagining it.  I am 36, this does not happen to 36 year olds.  I waited two days and when it was still there I told David.  I could see the concern in his eyes when he said he thought it would be a good idea to call the doctor.

It took about a week to get into the OB's office.  During that time I did lots of Googling - I learned that breast cancer isn't supposed to hurt, and that most of the time when women find "lumps" they don't usually amount to anything.  I went in for my exam armed with that knowledge, confident that the doctor would tell me that it was nothing.

The visit at the OB's office lasted about 3 minutes, my Google myths took just that long to have been dis-proven. The doctor recommended that I go get a mammogram and ultra sound done at the Parades Institute.  They were able to see me the next day.

I arrived at Parades still expecting to hear that everything was ok, I brought a mushy Jodi Picoult book with me and braved the appointment by myself. After my first set of mammogram films I was sent back into the waiting room to wait for my ultrasound.  The tech came back out and said the doctor needed just a few more films.  My heart sank.  Even more so when she pulled the extra piece for the mammogram machine from the wall and said, "this might be a little cold, I don't usually use this one."

All I could think is, this cannot be good.

Shortly after that they began my ultra sound, again it took only a few minutes and the tech went to get the doctor.  When the doctor came in he was so kind, and so honest.  He held my hand and said, "I am so sorry, but I am almost positive that you have cancer."  He began to explain about the "mass" of concern, but all I could think about was my babies, and my husband- and that this could absolutely not be happening.

By that time I had called David and we had been there for about 4 hours digesting the impossible information that we had just been given.

That was a Friday, the next Monday I was scheduled for a biopsy.  For a week after the biopsy I waited, I paced, I prayed.  I checked my phone to be sure it was still working - it was, there were just no results yet.

Then the phone rang, it was lunchtime on  Monday August 3, 2015.  The voice on the other end of the phone was so sweet.  "Mrs. Wood, are you ready?  You know we talked about this, is it still ok for me to tell you over the phone?" I must have whispered yes, because she went on to say, "you have invasive ductal carcinoma, grade 2."

I was so lucky that David was there when we got the phone call, we cried together.  It was good to finally have a name for this monster inside of me.  Immediately we began researching and making plans.  I had an MRI and a CT scan to be sure the cancer hadn't spread - thank God it hasn't.  And then 14 days from the time of my diagnosis I had my port put in and I begin chemotherapy tomorrow.

During the port surgery my amazing surgeon was able to test 5 lymph nodes to see if they had any cancerous cells.  They didn't!  I am blessed beyond measure that we caught this so early, and that I have a wonderful team and support system working with me.

In case you are curious, this is what a port looks like.  The port is the device that I will receive my chemotherapy through.  

Other important things to know - my cancer is estrogen and progesterone negative, but her2 positive. This means that it should be very responsive to chemotherapy.  

I will continue to post updates to keep you all informed.  Let me leave you with these words for tonight -

• Trust your body, if something doesn't feel right go see the doctor. The word miracle has been used more than once to describe me finding this tumor.  The OB and the radiologist both said that they would not have found it during a standard clinical exam when I was laying down. 
• Don't believe everything you read on the internet, I am so glad that I didn't talk myself out of getting checked out.
• Live every single day - really live it.  
• Smile at people, give hugs, love on your babies. 
• Spread kindness and joy in all things that you do.

If you see us out and about, ask Tommy about Star Wars, ask Elayna about fairies and princesses, or her lip gloss- which I am certain she will be wearing.  I do not want them to be afraid, not for one single second.  They are being so strong right now, and they are taking our lead in how they react to new news. 

Please continue to support all of us with your smiles, prayers, and love.  All of the messages mean so much to all of us.

Transition

I will never forget my first year of teaching at Varina High School.  That was the first time that the word transition became a part of my every day life.  Chris Martin, who had been a mentor to me when I was in high school, was my department chair.  He put me in the amazing position of being a 12th grade English teacher, and the COWEP teacher. He handed me a book about transition and told me I would be great.

I was overwhelmed. I was terrified.  The immense responsibility of holding the future of these young men and women in my hands was just so heavy.  I recall looking out at the sea of faces, barley 22 myself, most of them 19 and 20, and wondering how on Earth I was going I pull this off.

I remember opening the book about transition and writing my first lesson plan.  I was hooked, I loved it. I had clearly found my niche and was able to truly empower students by teaching them the basic skills they would need to find a job, or a house, by helping them find who THEY wanted to become.

Those years were magical.  I founded a partnership with the maintenance department and we painted, and raked, and cleaned.  We learned to fill out time sheets, job applications, create resumes, and perhaps most importantly, we learned to work together.

I think my favorite partnership was with Battlefield Park.  Watching my students interact with the rescue dogs was one of the best experiences of my life.  Seeing them truly learn how to work as a team, and watching them fall in love with the dogs.  I knew that the students that were with me on that job site had learned the most valuable lesson of all - compassion.   That skill, learning compassion, would be the skill to ensure that their transition into adult life would be successful.

When I left Varina, I knew that not only would I be leaving a community that I loved, but that I would also be stepping away from my role as a transition teacher.  It was hard.  I have learned a lot about myself in the past 3 years.  I fulfilled another life long wish.  I had always dreamed to work at the Academy at Virginia Randolph.  While working here I have taught with some truly amazing and talented people, and I have worked with some young people that I will never forget.  Some that have changed me forever.  

I have missed that sparkle of hope that I see in a student's eyes when I take them to a job for the first time, or when they get their first paycheck. I have missed the aspects of transition in my daily life. 

I have been offered an amazing opportunity.  I have been asked to be the Transition Teacher for the Central West Zone.  I will be working with students, and their teachers on a plan that will best meet their needs. I will be empowering young people every day, giving them the tools and resources that they need to transition to adult life. I will be a member of the Central Office Staff.  I will be working with people who I have respected and admired for years.  I am truly swept off of my feet by this opportunity.  I am honored beyond words.  

I have to admit that I am also sad, I won't have a classroom - I won't have stories of "my kids" and what shenanigans occur.  This will be a difficult transition for me, so much of who I am is wrapped up in being a teacher in the traditional sense.  The change is happening very quickly, by the end of the month I will be in my new position - and my students with a new teacher.  I began breaking the news to them today.  It has been an emotional roller coaster.

Even with the ache of saying goodbye, I am so excited to start this new adventure.  It feels like my entire career has been leading me to exactly this moment.

It has been months since my last entry.  We have been so busy!

We had an amazing summer.  We went to Kings Dominion and Overhill Lake.  We played at Romp & Roll, we snuggled and loved, and we all started new schools.

Mommy is on the Knight Train now.  As much as I wanted to work at the high school that you will both go to, it just did not work out.  Maybe I will change my mind when you all get to middle school age, but for right now I love love love my school.

You guys also started at a new school, Bundle of Joy.  You know how much I hate to change up your routines, but with Tommy starting Kindergarten next year it just had to happen.  I am thankful that we did because Tommy has a new best friend!  Parker!  I am so happy to see you playing and happy again my sweet man. 

Elayna, you have a sweet little boyfriend named Kayden.  He says that he wants to touch you :)  If you were any older than 2 that would worry me.

We just celebrated your 2nd birthday sweet bug.  It was a lovely party, we had a bouncy house and a photo booth.  I am so excited to see the pictures.

Piggy Snort

Sweet Buggy at daycare:)

Father's Day Pictures

I have to start by saying that I am such a lucky lady, you guys are perfect & beautiful & sweet.  But you already know that.  For Father's Day I had planned the tattoo for Daddy - but he didn't like it.  So I got your pictures done.  Purely selfish of me because I LOVE having your pictures done. 

These are just a few of my favorites.  I love this one because Buggy looks so mischievous, like she is weighing out the situation to figure out what she should do next.

 This one is just too cute, Nonnie made this skirt for you bugga boo, I love it!

Look at Those curls and that smile!!!

My handsome prince, I love this picture.  You are a vision, it captures your personality perfectly!

 So smart & kind, I feel like you can see it all right here in your face.

This one was just for fun, what you can't tell is that you are choke holding me.

 There were so many amazing pictures of you bug!!

The lady kept telling you to "smell" the flower, and you wouldn't so I told you to eat it!  So cute!

You asked if this one was your senior picture, I think probably because you beloved Kate is graduating this year.

Stinker!

 The lady that took the pictures was really proud of this one!  I think it looks like it should be in a magazine.

 So, since we did all those girly ones of buggy, we had to do some "manly" ones of you T Bird.  She was pulling out footballs, and baseball gloves.  I wish she had taken a picture of her own face when you said that you wanted a race car instead.  I am pretty sure it is supposed to be a prop for babies, but I think they turned out super cute.

And for the reason we were there, the Daddy Pictures.

Thank you both for being perfect. Two more days of school & then we have the whole summer in front of us.  I am so excited to share all of those adventures with you.