Next Steps

In just a few weeks I will have my third surgery related to cancer.  Before all of this the only surgeries I had included having my tonsils and adenoids removed as a child and then two c-sections.

The next surgery is often referred to as "stage 2" in the DIEP world.  Mine will be slightly more extensive because in addition to the stage two procedures the surgeon will also be closing the wounds on my breast and abdomen that opened after the initial DIEP.  Those wounds have been open since January.  I will be so thankful to have them closed.  Surprisingly, this surgery will be outpatient and I will be out of work for less than a week.

Surgery is scheduled for April 15th.

Speaking of work, I am so thankful to be back.  It is awesome to be doing what I love.  The next two weeks are packed with new adventures and information sessions and I am so excited to be a part of all of them

My wonderful co-workers decorated my chair to welcome me back to work.

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My hives have improved greatly!  I am so glad to be able to say that. I have a few random small hives that appear each day, but nothing compared to being covered in itchy, painful hives.

Please keep us all in your thoughts and prayers over the next few weeks.  The babies are anxious about me having surgery again.  They are having to see their mommy go through so much.  Cancer has truly changed our lives, our perspectives, and our outlook for the future.  Please keep Tommy, Elayna, and David close to your heart as April 15th approaches.  I do not want them to be anxious or fearful, only full of hope for a bright, beautiful, healthy future.

David and I are anxious about this surgery for several reasons:

1. how extensive "stage 2" is for being outpatient   
2. I did not heal very well after the last surgery, we are concerned about similar complications
3. the hives!  I am so worried this will bring them back

If you would like to have more information on the DIEP please let me know.

The babies and I are having such a wonderful spring break!  I am so thankful for the joy they bring to each other, and to me.  We are doing everything we can to soak up every ounce of this beautiful weather.

Please continue to spread love and light into the world.  Live each day to the fullest, make memories, smile at strangers, give hugs, be happy.

I will continue to #fightlikeamommy.  Recently my mom had a "sports" day at work.  They could all wear their favorite team's jersey or t-shirt.  Momma wore my "fight like a mommy" t-shirt, she said it was her favorite team.  It makes me cry whenever I think about it.  She is pretty awesome.

It is still my fairy tale.

Trauma

It was bound to happen sooner or later.  Everyone has memories that are tied to specific events in their lives.  Places, or songs, maybe even smells that take you back to a significant event.  Some good, some bad, some when you know your life is never ever going to be the same.

Yesterday I went for my annual exam.  No big deal, until they took me to the room.  There are dozens of rooms at the practice, maybe even several dozen rooms.  How I ended up in that one - in the room where my my life changed forever this past summer is still baffling to me.  All things considered I think I handled it pretty well.

I have to admit that for me it was very much like the flashbacks that you see in movies.

I remember the day like it was yesterday.  It was warm, we were having such a magical summer.  Swimming every day and having the best adventures. We had just finished visiting my friend MC's farm.  We were all so happy, everything was simple and perfect.  I took the kids to the doctor with me because I was convinced that I was being ridiculous.  I couldn't possibly have cancer.  Dr. Google had told me if I was under 40 it was probably nothing, if I found it myself it was probably nothing, and if it hurt it was probably nothing.  Clearly according to my instant Google medical degree the lump I was feeling under my arm was probably nothing.

In my mind I could see Tommy sitting crossed legged in the chair in the corner.  He was playing his red DS, Elayna was on the floor playing with a felt doll house.  It was like it had just happened, until I heard the nurse say, "It looks like a lot has changed since your last visit. Let's update your medicines."  I felt my tears before I realized I was crying as I recited all of the new medicines, Herceptin, Pertuzumab, ....

The nurse looked up and began to cry as well, which only made my tears flow faster.  I explained that this is THE ROOM.  The room where my life changed forever.  When what I thought was just a simple appointment that I could take my babies to became the beginning of the fight of my life.

We stopped then and I told her my story, we cried together.  It was cleansing, and hard.

By the time the doctor came in I had myself together again.  I am so thankful each time I see a member of my medical team.  I am so lucky to have so many medical professionals that are looking after me, and that truly care.  He is going to monitor my ovaries and uterus every six months for forever since I am now high risk. He also had some awesome recommendations for all of the side effects from surgery - most notably the hives.  All in all it was a good visit.  I am all about preventative medicine, and am thankful to have a doctor willing to make suggestions and take extra precautions to be sure that if I do develop another cancer that we are on top of it before it spreads.

Now, about those hives.  The final diagnosis is:

Chronic Idiopathic Urticaria

Whoa!  That sounds super scary and scientific, right?  That is the final diagnosis - it means unexplained hives, with no known cause that have lasted for a period longer than six weeks.

So that is the good news. There is finally a name for all of this ridiculousness that has been going on since January.  Even more good news is that it is something that the allergist that I saw earlier this week has seen before.  He explained that my body has been through a trauma.  A significant trauma.  Eight months of chemotherapy partnered with one of the biggest surgeries that you could have and my body just started screaming.  The screaming manifested itself in hives.  The allergist explained that with this kind of reaction I am not actually allergic to anything - however my body is going to act and react as if I am allergic to all sorts of things.  He also explained that the hives could last for three months to a year.

A year???!!!

I am hoping and praying that that will not be the case.  I am on every antihistamine that I have ever heard of twice a day in hopes that they will subside.  This morning when I woke up the hives were covering my face, in addition to my trunk, arms, chest, legs, and hands.  There is no way to describe how hard it is to look in the mirror and see a woman with very little hair, who is super bloated from 6 weeks of steroids, with a huge rash covering her face- and realize that it is you.

The Urticaria is so hard.  It is ugly, and painful - so incredibly painful.  It feels as though I have been stung by 100 wasps all over my body.

I began acupuncture today.  It is too soon to see if it will make a difference, but at this point I am willing to try anything.  Today I also went to see the dentist.  Chemo did a number on my dental health.  There is some indication of bone loss in my teeth, as well as in my jaw line.

All of that being said I am making progress.  My range of motion is excellent, and I am taking nightly walks with the babies around the neighborhood.  My stamina is coming back.  Life is good!  Tommy just started baseball and Elayna is loving the bike that Santa brought her.  Most importantly, I am alive and here to see it all happen.  I am thankful every single day that I am here and able to be a mommy and a wife.

Thank you all again for all of your support and for loving me through it.  It means so much to me.

#itisstillmyfairytale
#fightlikeamommy