Yesterday I went for my annual exam. No big deal, until they took me to the room. There are dozens of rooms at the practice, maybe even several dozen rooms. How I ended up in that one - in the room where my my life changed forever this past summer is still baffling to me. All things considered I think I handled it pretty well.
I have to admit that for me it was very much like the flashbacks that you see in movies.
I remember the day like it was yesterday. It was warm, we were having such a magical summer. Swimming every day and having the best adventures. We had just finished visiting my friend MC's farm. We were all so happy, everything was simple and perfect. I took the kids to the doctor with me because I was convinced that I was being ridiculous. I couldn't possibly have cancer. Dr. Google had told me if I was under 40 it was probably nothing, if I found it myself it was probably nothing, and if it hurt it was probably nothing. Clearly according to my instant Google medical degree the lump I was feeling under my arm was probably nothing.
In my mind I could see Tommy sitting crossed legged in the chair in the corner. He was playing his red DS, Elayna was on the floor playing with a felt doll house. It was like it had just happened, until I heard the nurse say, "It looks like a lot has changed since your last visit. Let's update your medicines." I felt my tears before I realized I was crying as I recited all of the new medicines, Herceptin, Pertuzumab, ....
The nurse looked up and began to cry as well, which only made my tears flow faster. I explained that this is THE ROOM. The room where my life changed forever. When what I thought was just a simple appointment that I could take my babies to became the beginning of the fight of my life.
We stopped then and I told her my story, we cried together. It was cleansing, and hard.
By the time the doctor came in I had myself together again. I am so thankful each time I see a member of my medical team. I am so lucky to have so many medical professionals that are looking after me, and that truly care. He is going to monitor my ovaries and uterus every six months for forever since I am now high risk. He also had some awesome recommendations for all of the side effects from surgery - most notably the hives. All in all it was a good visit. I am all about preventative medicine, and am thankful to have a doctor willing to make suggestions and take extra precautions to be sure that if I do develop another cancer that we are on top of it before it spreads.
Now, about those hives. The final diagnosis is:
Chronic Idiopathic Urticaria
Whoa! That sounds super scary and scientific, right? That is the final diagnosis - it means unexplained hives, with no known cause that have lasted for a period longer than six weeks.
So that is the good news. There is finally a name for all of this ridiculousness that has been going on since January. Even more good news is that it is something that the allergist that I saw earlier this week has seen before. He explained that my body has been through a trauma. A significant trauma. Eight months of chemotherapy partnered with one of the biggest surgeries that you could have and my body just started screaming. The screaming manifested itself in hives. The allergist explained that with this kind of reaction I am not actually allergic to anything - however my body is going to act and react as if I am allergic to all sorts of things. He also explained that the hives could last for three months to a year.
A year???!!!
I am hoping and praying that that will not be the case. I am on every antihistamine that I have ever heard of twice a day in hopes that they will subside. This morning when I woke up the hives were covering my face, in addition to my trunk, arms, chest, legs, and hands. There is no way to describe how hard it is to look in the mirror and see a woman with very little hair, who is super bloated from 6 weeks of steroids, with a huge rash covering her face- and realize that it is you.
The Urticaria is so hard. It is ugly, and painful - so incredibly painful. It feels as though I have been stung by 100 wasps all over my body.
I began acupuncture today. It is too soon to see if it will make a difference, but at this point I am willing to try anything. Today I also went to see the dentist. Chemo did a number on my dental health. There is some indication of bone loss in my teeth, as well as in my jaw line.
All of that being said I am making progress. My range of motion is excellent, and I am taking nightly walks with the babies around the neighborhood. My stamina is coming back. Life is good! Tommy just started baseball and Elayna is loving the bike that Santa brought her. Most importantly, I am alive and here to see it all happen. I am thankful every single day that I am here and able to be a mommy and a wife.
Thank you all again for all of your support and for loving me through it. It means so much to me.
#itisstillmyfairytale
#fightlikeamommy
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